Birthdays

 

I just kissed my 6-year old goodnight for the last time. He’s 7 tomorrow! Note to Universe:  Please stop the world for a while, I need more time to relish the moments (well, not all of them – it is the school holidays after all, so I’d happily waver some of the more recently frustrating moments for more uplifting times, but you know what I mean). My children are growing up so quickly, I’m afraid to blink sometimes. 

 

It’s been a day of party-prep. Elliot ran into my room very excited early this morning, jumped into my bed and greeted me (ie. woke me up) with “It’s my birthday tomorrow! I love you SO much Mum!” Wow, I thought, what a fabulous way to be woken up. Then he snuggled down and continued: “You know that chocolate cake you’ve made? I’ve been thinking about it and I’d really prefer a strawberry ice-cream cake.” Hmm, I thought, he’s not quite 7 and already he’s engaging in the traditional male tactic of buttering me up first to soften the impact, prior to delicately delivering his self-fulfilling request. It rang a familiar tune – my husband tried the very same technique on me recently before saying he’d like to upgrade his motorbike.

 

What kind of Mum am I? A soft one apparently... the kind that actually considered his request seriously enough to run through a few scenarios about how I could source a strawberry ice-cream cake as the final curtain was closing prior to his big day. After all, I suppose I could freeze the chocolate one I’d already laboured over... it might be nice to have up my sleeve to use as a lunchbox filler when school starts back. Fortunately for me, my head kicked my heart into touch as I remembered all the other party treats and games I had to make and plan that day, and I managed to convince him during our under-duvet mutterings and cuddles that the chocolate cake would have to do. I’d like to think he still loves me SO much, despite my subtle denial of his request. I can’t have him growing up thinking a bit of loving and eye-lash fluttering is all it takes to get what he wants – can I?!

 

Today has made me reflect on how one day in the life of a Mother can fluctuate with such wild ebbs and flows; how one moment can ignite such a delightful sensation of peace and wellbeing, only to be followed shortly afterwards by utter despair and hopelessness. Within an hour of our heavenly morning bonding session, I was threatening to cancel his birthday party altogether because of his outrageous and disagreeable behaviour. Something to do with not getting his fair share of time on the “Wii,” or something of that nature; I lose track. And so the day progressed... like a roller coaster of love on the up, despair on the down, and anxiety around the bends, never knowing what’s coming next. It’s no wonder I feel exhausted sometimes. To top it all off at the end of the day, now that he’s gone to bed, I’m left feeling shades of guilt that I had to resort to making threats that might jeopardise his party – but he made me do it - if I could ‘tell on him’, I would, but who would I tell? I’m the only one in my house that gets ‘told to.’  Meanwhile, I have absolutely no doubt that he’s currently blissfully drifting off to sleep, knowing full well that his party will go ahead as planned. Oh the euphoria of going to sleep with the awareness there is someone in your life who loves you so unconditionally, you can wake up every new day knowing you are cloaked with the same depth of love you were smothered in the first day you were born. That’s the beauty of a mother/child relationship – there is never a ‘hangover’ in the morning. Every new day is fresh, with infinite love fully replenished and restored.

 

This time 7 years ago, I’d been in hospital for 2 weeks, secretly fearing for my life as I waited desperately for Elliot to be born. I begged the doctors to deliver him early because I couldn’t bear the thought of an unexpected arrival triggering my demise. Well, he was worth waiting for... and his gift to me on his real birth day was his safe arrival into this world, and his safe delivery into my heart. For that, I can forgive the slight misdemeanours that have occurred between then and now... because he gave me a gift on that day I could never equal as long as I live. 

 

Mum’s the Word:

Birthdays should always be about reflection and joy. If there were no birthdays, there would be no children. And if there were no children, they’d be a lot less in this world to celebrate.